I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
