Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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