meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize