lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
