weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
