Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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