He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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