What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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