In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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