everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
