I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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