batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
