i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
