I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
