ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
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4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
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So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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