areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
