so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
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