I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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