mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
