hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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