6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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