She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
