I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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