i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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