I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
