Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
