a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
