We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
