How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
