Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
