This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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