I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
