i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You pole danced in your parka.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
