Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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