woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
