Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Randomize
