REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
