That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
