she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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