That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
