mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
