I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize