I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
