On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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