God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
