One girl and one boy is just not enough.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
