You made me cry and you don't even care
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
