im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
