Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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