dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
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