I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I don't deserve a penis
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
