she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
