I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
