To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize