She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
jump out the window naked night went bad
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