why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille