We're like a lot better than the average bears
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.