Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
this beer tastes like vomit already
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
pray to the hookup gods
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.