All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT