The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
19 Movie Extras Reveal What It’s Like To Work With Celebrities
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.