her facebook's as public as her vagina
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
