btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
