when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
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I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
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Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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