How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
