At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
How's work?
Spinning.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
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