I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
