Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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