the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
time to smoke my breakfast
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
They have beer where we have blood.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
