You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
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We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
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My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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