i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
