Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
