I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
