I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
