Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
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