last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
